I’ve got homework on the brain lately, as my son Charlie just started middle school and it is all about the homework. They’ve got agendas and to-dos and morning check-ins and because Charlie is mostly nonverbal, these have become my to-dos and check-ins. I don’t mind. It gives me a better feel for his team and how we will navigate pursuing his own independence as he grows older. But so much of Charlie’s life has felt like homework for him. He’s had physical and occupational and feeding therapy with skills we must work on, printed diagrams of stretches, and meetings about medical equipment. He’s been a boy with a plan from day one, whether he wanted to be or not.
Which is why I am always in search of activities and natural “life things” that he can do that don’t feel like homework, but still challenge him in ways he both wants and needs. It was making one of his to-do lists in his agenda that gave me the idea for an activity that will help him practice communication while also being fun. It’s also something his peers (and us adults) do all the time: make a bucket list.
The way I described it to Charlie is that it is essentially a wish list of things you want to do in your life. (We narrowed it down to his sixth grade year, because half the fun of a bucket list is getting to cross things off.) Here’s the part that was homework that didn’t feel like homework: we uses his communication device to make it. It was both hilarious and enlightening. It’s easy as caregivers to forget to add whimsy into our children’s lives, but this is an excellent way to encourage them to express themselves and parse out what they want and need and feel.
So without further ado, I give you Charlie’s bucket list for sixth grade:
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Peanut Butter Crackers
My first instinct was to disregard this. However, we spent years in feeding therapy working out what he can and cannot eat and does and does not like, so I left it on there and checked it off after he ate them as we made the list.
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School
Charlie loves school and I took this as an opportunity to tell him how proud I was of him for starting middle school in a new building with new peers and teachers. The fact that he put this on his list as something he wanted to accomplish meant he is thriving there, something I can’t always tell by his moods when he gets off the bus.
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Snow Skiing
This one threw me. I asked him three times if he really wanted to go and he said typed “yes.” I grew up skiing in the Colorado Rockies and so, after deep breaths on my end and a Google search for wheelchair-accessible resorts and adaptive skiing, I left it on there. What’s the point of a bucket list of you don’t dream big?
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Target
The boy loves Target and after the skiing request, I was more than happy to agree to an easy shopping trip. His favorite thing to do is check out the posters above the Cat & Jack clothing section picturing kids with disabilities.
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Peanut Butter Crackers (more)
Yes, we circled back when he finished the package. Who says he can’t put something on there twice? He thought it was hilarious.
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Peanut Butter Crackers
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Peanut Butter Crackers
It was so hilarious, he kept typing it. If the goal of this list is to bring out his personality, consider it accomplished.
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Orchestra
This made my day. Charlie has just started orchestra – learning about all the instruments and mostly taking full control of waving the wand around to conduct his peers. Getting him involved in extracurriculars in middle school was on my bucket list, so this was a win-win.
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Family Feud
His new YouTube obsession is watching reruns of Family Feud. After typing this, he put his communication device down and pointed to his iPad. So we stopped the list and watched Family Feud, because who doesn’t want to watch Steve Harvey? And because I could tell we’d reached the limit of list-making for now.
The shift from summer to fall gives you a great excuse to try this out with seasonal themes, and we will continue to cross off and add items to Charlie’s bucket list as the year goes along. It’s a good communication exercise, yes, but more importantly, it’s a way for Charlie to express his quirks and personality in a way he could not otherwise.
Jamie Sumner is a special needs mom and author.
Jamie-Sumner.com
Author of the middle-grade novels:
