Parenting is the best and the hardest job I’ve ever had. It’s a 24-7 job, even when your children are off to college or living independently. After the physical care is done and our children become more independent, the emotional care, coaching, and mentoring continue for a long time. The emotional and mental toll (without even counting the physical toll), is beyond exhausting. And yet, it is a journey we take where we are no longer the same people we were when we started this parenting gig.
Let’s talk about why parenting is so tough, the struggles that come with it, and some ways to work through those tough parts.
The Many Emotions of Parenthood
From the very moment we are deemed parents, the worry begins. How many parents worried, while in utero, that their child wasn’t moving enough, wasn’t large enough, or hadn’t formed all their body parts? Do you remember the panic that came with driving home with your first child from the hospital? And how about that first night at home with your infant who is making sounds that you didn’t understand? Do you remember how we counted the number of wet and dirty diapers and the number of ounces that our child consumed? Every milestone, every sniffle, every injury was felt on a deep level.
Balancing the strong emotions that come with having a little (or big) human roam the earth with the potential for hurt (physical or emotional) is a constant battle. One moment, you’re filled with pride as your child takes their first step; the next, you’re sitting with the guilt of losing your cool or overreacting to your child.
Please give yourself grace and practice self-compassion.
Remember that you are a human, who is managing many parts of life, while also trying to grow another human in the best way you know how. Find a trusted group of parents and share your experiences, thoughts, and feelings. Almost 100% of the time, you will find you are not alone, and you’ll find relief when another parent proclaims, “Thank goodness, I’m not alone in that! You too? Now I feel better.” If you’re struggling with a strong-willed child or are not sure how to navigate certain issues, seek parent coaching with a therapist.
The To-Do List that Never Ends
When I think of the list of things that we manage as parents daily, I get tired of enumerating. Let’s review: meals, laundry, schoolwork, birthday parties, play dates, extracurricular activities, and doctor’s appointments.
If you’re a working parent, the list of responsibilities is enormous and the time to complete them seems very small in comparison. This combination of ‘so much to do with so little time’ can lead to burnout and a constant feeling of not doing enough or being enough.
As parents, we need to acknowledge that we can’t do it all. Let the perfectionism go and prioritize what needs to happen first, second, etc. Divide and conquer with your significant other, and assign chores and tasks to your children that are developmentally appropriate. If you can, hire someone to help you with tasks that can be delegated.
Losing Your Sense of Self
As parents, it’s, sadly, quite easy to lose your identity and your sense of self during those heavy parenting years when you’re on the go and constantly planning for the next week, month, or season. Many couples watch their bond dissipate by not spending time together or taking “time off” together (and apart). Between working, caregiving, and running your home, there is little time left for self-care or engaging in areas of personal interest.
I know this is easier said than done but it’s so important not to neglect your need for rest, social interactions, couple time, and time away from your children. Neglecting your own needs can lead to resentment, exhaustion, and a sense of isolation. Neglecting your marital relationship can lead to tension and feeling unsupported.
Just as we so easily make time for our children’s activities and social plans, it’s super important to carve out the same time for yourself, as a parent, each day, each week, and each month. By filling your cup as a person and a couple, you will be able to care for your children with greater ease.
It Takes a Village
This phrase is such an important one in parenting. Years and years ago, parenting was a “village” job where parents backed up other parents and everyone was responsible for all the children. We don’t have that mentality, and in fact, our mentality is one of “I’m going to do it all and I’m going to go over the top.” Please stay away from that mentality. Our children’s daily lives are wonderful and if you think back, our parents didn’t plan or carry out even one-quarter of what we do for our children.
Find your parenting support system, whether that’s grandparents, friends, other parents, or hired babysitters/nannies. Plan on taking time off to do something without your kids and get other people involved in the care of your children.
Parenting is the hardest job many of us will ever have, but it’s also the most meaningful. The struggles are real and often exhausting. The reward of watching your human(s) turn into amazing people who you like to spend time with is amazing. This great job is challenging, nonetheless, and it’s okay to acknowledge the struggle and find your self-care and outlets.
Please know: You are NOT alone, and you are doing a great job!
