Ostomy surgery may be the biggest emotional flood a person has ever experienced. From the initial emotional downpour when you first realize you need an ostomy to the feeling of reality setting in and on through the never ending emotional roller coaster an ostomate rides. But you are not alone. Your emotions with an ostomy are all valid, and maybe other people feel the way you feel.
For a person to require ostomy surgery, that person is likely very ill, or very hurt, and their illness or injury takes up most of their mental capacity. But after surgery, when a person starts feeling better, the emotional trauma of that sick period is able to set in and it is normal to feel a loss of control over ones life.
After surgery, an ostomate may also start to feel a sense of disappointment, because their ostomy didn’t “cure” them. In addition to this realization, an ostomy is a constant reminder that you are sick. And it isn’t something you can ignore for long, because it needs near-constant awareness. On top of it all, you have more anxiety than before about things like intimacy and body image.
People may start to feel misunderstood on many levels: foods that are considered healthy may actually be dangerous for that individual and they may feel misunderstood because they don’t look sick. Not feeling validated, or having a huge life struggle go unrecognized can make you feel alone and under-appreciated. Having to think about things, like supply availability just to function like others do with ease, can take a toll on mentality.
So what do you do? Laura Cox and our other OstomyLife contributors have created a series of articles and videos to discuss their personal struggles with these topics and some suggestions for accepting them. Laura has also written a list of coping mechanisms that one can practice to help with tough times.
- Mental Health with an Ostomy
- Video: Body Image with an Ostomy
- Taking a Sick Day When Chronically Ill
- Living with Invisible Illness | A Personal Story
- Video: Things That Still Bother Me Since Getting Ostomy Surgery – And How I Resolve Them
- Intimacy with an Ostomy
- Bad Day Coping Mechanisms
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Dear Laura, I wear a two piece ostomy bag. I need help with concealing an ostomy bag. When I move around my shirt hikes up and the tip of the bag peeks out from under my shirt.
I was ready ! I suffered for 17 years with many surgeries from the wrong doctor that knew nothing of Crohn’s disease. It took from 1980 till 1987 to get my condition under control and over 40 hours of surgery.
My stoma or mucous fistula have a tendency to bleed due to chemo. What can I do to solve this?
There are just some things in life that cannot be explained. Having an ostomy made me feel like a loser…My poor grandchildren could no longer spontaneously hug me, or cuddle up to read a book for fear of me leaking on them. I had my reversal over a year ago, I had lost quite a chunk of colon…thank you radiation. I STILL feel like I need to be near a bathroom…I resent the activities that I should be doing because I still have no complete control, and I have to wewr the dreaded “adult” undies in case of accidents…I feel like my hubby and I should be going out and doing fun things, but I’m too afraid of having accidents…I cry daily…sometimes 3 or 4 times, and I’m even more sensitive than I used to be..My limitations are keeping me and my family from doing so many things we used to do..People say…but you’re alive!…Yes..I guess so, but not fully…So, yes…the emotional part of all of this is horrid…it could be much worse, and I know that…I just can’t always shake the resentment…Many hugs and much love…
I’m living with an ostomy bag I don’t want to get depressed I pray everyday and cry you tell me this is temporary but I don’t believe it I can’t get used to this new life with a leaking bag