Some days, work is just work. Other days, work can be the best surprise of gratitude one can ever imagine. In fact, I think it’s those random moments that keep us coming back day in and day out. I was a nurse in the ER when we received a patient that was transported “dead on arrival.” It was a young man that was killed by a fatal truck accident. A truck driver lost control and basically crushed this man’s vehicle from behind. According to the ER physician, “He most likely didn’t even know what hit him and he was gone in an instant.” Unfortunately for his surviving family members- this news would change their lives forever.
After the patient was pronounced, we removed all the tubes and medical equipment, wiping away any blood, glass and debris. I propped the patient’s head on a pillow and covered him with a blanket up to his chest. The trauma he had suffered was internal therefore no outwardly signs were present. He appeared as though he was sleeping. By just standing at the foot of the bed it would be impossible to know the events he recently suffered. I dropped a few ammonia snaps in my pocket and placed a box of tissue in the room. Certain actions were almost robotic as many of our actions become after many years of repetition.
Being a mother of two young children, my heart was broken. I was heavy with empathy and could not imagine how a parent could move forward after such a tragedy. I waited sadly for his family members. Shortly thereafter, an officer approached and explained the parents were here. We gathered in a private area and the ER physician discussed the events that led to the young man’s demise. His father instantly wept and moaned with noises that would resonate for years. His mother instead, stared quietly at the doctor, lost in his spoken words. I sat beside her and put my arm across her back. I expressed my apologies and offered to take her to him when she was ready.
Eventually, she asked to be with her son. As we walked to the room, my stomach physically ached. We entered together. She approached her son with the confidence and nurturing instinct any mother would have towards her children. She touched his face and swept his bangs to the side. She held his hand then laid with her head on his chest. She wept quietly and tears dripped down her face and onto the sheet. I offered the box of tissues and desperately tried to hold back my own tears. My attempt to be the strong medical professional was short lived and soon I was crying beside her. I made sure not to make a sound and wiped my tears away with my hands. I moved about the room behind her while pretending to organize things on the bedside table. She looked at me and asked if I had children. I felt guilty but replied honestly with a yes. She thanked me for being there. I didn’t sleep much that night and I kissed both my children as they slept unknowingly in their beds. I was perplexed, amazed and taunted by this mother’s sorrowful yet calm behavior to this unbearable loss. I was confused by her disposition but admired her unbelievable strength. I often prayed for her and her family.
Months later my boss called me into her office to share a letter she had received. This amazing woman took the time to write down her thoughts amidst the sadness she carried daily since that awful day. She went on to say that although she is a nurse by trade, on the day of her son’s death, she was “only” a mother. She professed her strong faith in God and the angels God places among us. She was thankful that the nurse assigned to her son treated him with care and respect. She was grateful that at that moment in time she felt as though the nurse at her side shared genuinely in her sadness. “She treated my family with the same respect her live patients receive.” She honored me as a mother AND a caregiver. She later mentioned that she learned how important it is in our daily professional lives to never overlook the “spiritual vitals” of those we treat.
I treasure being a caregiver because of the gift it reciprocates. I am inspired to learn from our patients every day! Caregivers may overlook the fact that we are actually healing ourselves as we heal those around us. I am privileged and grateful to be part of such a special assembly of people who call themselves CAREGIVERS!