Closing the Loop with our Children/Teens/Young Adults with ADHD
How many times have you walked into a room and noticed that your child, teen, young adult or partner has left a trail of things around the kitchen where the sandwich was made, the ice cream was scooped, or the coffee was made? The drawers and cabinet doors are open and none of the things or drawers or cabinets have been returned to their original placement?
This can happen with any human being, but if you are living with someone who has ADHD, you may encounter this often. ADHD is a disorder of attention, physical and mental hyperactivity as well as impulsivity. The person with ADHD has many ideas, and feels the need to act on most of them, even if they’re not well-timed.
How many times have you watched your teen, in the middle of a homework assignment, stop and move forward on an idea that is not related to the homework assignment or anything else to their daily routine? For example, your teen leaves his assignment because he needed to check if his package was delivered or needed to find a t-shirt that he hasn’t seen in a while?
While any child or adult can be distracted, those with ADHD may experience this more frequently. ADHD is a disorder of executive dysfunction. That does not mean that a person with ADHD is lazy or forgetful.
What does that translate into on a daily basis?
- Difficulty starting a task that is perceived as taking too long (e.g., homework, cleaning her room, etc).
- Working through a task until it’s done.
- Difficulty planning ahead.
- Difficulty with estimating how long something is going to take.
- Difficulty prioritizing what needs to get done based on deadlines.
- Stopping one task, when it’s not yet completed, to start another one.
- Forgetting to return to the original, unfinished task.
- Forgetting belongings and items needed for school or sports.
Closing the loop refers to the idea of starting a task and finishing it – but not only finishing it, also returning everything back to its place so that a room or space doesn’t look like your house was burglarized!
As parents, we can coach our children, teens and young adults to think about items for a task, the steps needed to complete the task, and then the steps needed to “clean up” and return the space to what it looked like before.
In essence, closing the loop refers to finishing what was started and returning all things back into their original space. Let’s assume your child takes a shower and break down the “taking a shower” loop.
For many parents, after their child bathes, the bathroom looks like a steam bath; the shower curtain or door are left open; dirty clothes may be left on the floor; the bath mat looks like it’s been beaten; and a damp towel may be left laying on the floor.
This is what you’re asking your child, teen or young adult to do instead:
- Taking dirty laundry and placing it in a hamper or other designated space.
- Placing the wet towel on a hook, in the washer or other designated space.
- Removing any additional or non-typical shower items that were brought into the bathroom or shower.
- Turning off the light and fan.
- Returning used or moved items back to their place in the bathroom.
This is a big list to commit to memory, so a physical list that is posted on the wall (until your child, teen or young adult can internalize the list) may be needed.
How do you implement this? Implementation includes introducing the idea to your child, teen or young adult and then consistently holding him or her to this expectation. That is, each time you walk into the bathroom and see that things are out of place, ask your child to close the loop in the bathroom. A physical list will take care of “What do you want me to do?” question.
You can repeat this with any task and in any room of your house. This also includes cleaning their personal space. Break down “clean your room” task into smaller tasks to make them more manageable and more clearly understood. For cleaining their room, that list can include:
- Pick up laundry and place in hamper.
- Create a pile of dishes, silverware and cups and bring it down to the dishwasher.
- Empty garbage can.
- Change sheets.
- Put away clean laundry.
- Wipe down furniture.
- Vacuum floor.
Many of our children, teens and young adults with ADHD struggle to start a task and complete it. They struggle to “close the loop” by returning the space to its original state. This is a needed skill for all phases of their life, and especially as life’s demands become more complex with age.
