It was just a routine appointment. When they called us back we went to a tiny alcove for blood pressure, weight and height assessment, and for no apparent reason, I got woozy, my heart started racing, and I had to take a few deep breaths to avoid vomiting. I’m sure I sound dramatic, but my body was reacting to its past.
My son, Ben, has been hospitalized so many times I have lost count. He has an extensive list of medical concerns, including leukemia (he’s now cured), and Hirschsprung’s Disease. I have been the one to hold him down through hundreds (perhaps thousands) of needle pokes, and been there to see him roll away for every single surgery.
I’m a strong, stoic mom, but no matter how well I manage in the moment, the impact of all of those incidents has accumulated in my psyche, and I now have many symptoms of PTSD, and the dramatic reaction I had at that routine office visit, is one of them: a flashback.
When we think of PTSD we think of war veterans or emergency personnel. In fact, I doubt that moms are even on the list of consideration for a PTSD diagnosis. I doubt I would have even recognized it in myself if it hadn’t been for a blog series that I stumbled upon.
When I first recognized the issue, I wasn’t sure what to do. I’m an avid runner, and was more than happy to treat myself with the runner’s high and call it good. At a certain point I realized that even though exercise is beneficial in so many ways, it wasn’t enough to manage the gaping wound in my life that was caused by so many years of intensive parenting. I knew that if I wanted to continue giving my family the best I have to give that I had to fully address the stress factor.
I sought out counseling, and with the help of a friend, I found a therapist who could help me unravel the mess of emotions I have around all that Ben has endured, and all that I and the rest of our family has endured with him. It might be the first time I gave myself permission to express all of my fears and let the emotions flow with sobs and wails. In addition to the much needed catharsis, I also learned better coping skills, because a person can only run so many miles, and eventually I had to face all my demons. Learning how to face them and deal with them was a critical step in managing my PTSD.
I still get triggered, and usually it’s out of the blue, when I least expect it, but now I have the tools to manage it and a safe, reliable therapist to hold my hand as I work through it. PTSD in parents of kids with autism and medical trauma is very real, but so is the treatment and recovery.
More Help for Parents of Children with Special Needs:
- Help for PTSD in Special Needs Parents
- Recorded Webinar: Managing Stress as the Parent of a Child with Special Needs Video
- Child Care for Children with Complex Needs: No Rest for the Weary
- Kindness for Parents of Children with Special Needs
- The Spoon Theory for Parents of Children with Special Needs
